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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ms. kittywhore's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 30th, 2017
9:00 pm
Hug Club
So, this is a story about q time in 2001 -2003 roughly ... I figure I need to focus on telling my own stories
 HUG CLUB
"You have tested me for Syphilis three times now and they all came back negative, I'm willing to accept the fact I just may be just insane; but please let's investigate other causes." I tell the doctor at the Haight Street Free Clinic. In their defense I had memory loss and was wearing a "Sluts Unite' t-shirt, so Syphilis seemed like a valid diagnoses.
The reason for why I was losing periods of time was a bit unclear maybe something to with a few head bang incidents or stress. It was hard to tell completely even after the MRI; because I had the condition for about a year and half. I told a friend how I had learned tricks to adjust to it and she insisted I go see a doctor right way.
I was willing to just believe I was having a nervous breakdown. I was having enough stress that I felt like I snapped. During very stressful childhood times I blocked things out. I had poems from my youth about black holes in memory. I was thinking this time, it was similar to Edward Norton's condition in 'Fight Club'. I envisioned in my lost time creating a secret army, making plans to start a social revolution and hanging out with and boxing sweaty, buff, shirtless men... But nope..whatever I was doing it was getting me hugged by strangers.
Well I guess they weren't strangers cause they had shared with me their deepest and darkest issues of the day, so they would latter recap for me. During my black out, I was holding space for people to open up to me and free themselves of a flood of emotions. I am not sure if I gave them good advice or advice at all ... But it made them all a bit happier...sometimes just having someone listen is so helpful. Anyway, people kept coming to me, hugging me, and thanking me; and I would smile and say "Your welcome. I'm glad you are feeling better, kitten." I would mean it, but I was also calling them 'kitten' cause I couldn't remember their names...
Also, due to my raddled brain, an idea from an ex, and a need to make things in my life - a life... I started going place, meeting people, sending out weekly group emails and doing artist workshops... But even though I use to manage databases at work.. I couldn't figure out how to run one on my own computer. So I created one massive email group and sent them the weekly emails. When you send people weekly emails with details of your life... People either ask to be taken off the list, assume they really know you or share their lives back with you... I was amazed about the amount of people that did the last two; and how amazing those people were.
I don't do the weekly emails anymore, just a big Christmas email and every year I have at least one person - often more that share their most sad, happy, and beautiful stories with me cause I shared first.
In my life I have been a lot of things that don't seem logical and bit crazy that have strangely worked out wonderfully well, maybe not as planned... I believe if first you don't succeed - keep doing what you are doing just change what you hope the out come is - to another good thing...
I got an idea for the first fiction story to be published in an anthology from the blackouts
All that benefit for myself and other ... From blackouts, that I accepted and worked around and worked with. When I try to wrap my head around making 'gone crazy' work for me and others; I think of the word of the penguin in 'Fight Club' - "slide"

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, October 22nd, 2017
9:55 pm
Venus and Mars
10/16/17 - MONDAY - Road to self care

I took the headband I had wrapped around my arm as a brace off and told my nurse co-worker I think I hurt my wrist. 'How long has it been hurting?' she asked. About 'Three Week'... I was afraid I had carpal tunnel and didn't wanted to stop working cause I feel like I have to handle so much stuff...
... She adjusted and massage my hand and I already feel I'm on the road to recovery ... I have scheduled a follow up and I plan to take better care of me...

10/17/17 - TUESDAY - Let's see how this goes

I feel my hope dwindling ... We have new CAN an he seem good but yet I fear what fresh hell he will bring to my work and home care schedule... I still try to figure out what rabbit I will pull out of my hat when it all falls apart. I should take a sigh of relief about being fully staffed yet I feel like I all hold my breath in preparation to be pulled down in a sea of misery ...

10/18/17 - WEDNESDAY - Have to have faith in magic

I did dinner with the Pagan meet up group and my friend Rev. Joey .. I want to have faith in magic ... I want to believe it will be all alright ... I want to cast spells to fix the problems I can't or people won't let me get enough information to see if I can help... I want to have positive thoughts save the day... But sometimes dark reality gets in my way... But still I believe....

10/19/17 - THURSDAY - Me too

I did drinks with a friend and talked a lot about boundary and consent ... What it means to say no and when it isn't listened to what that makes us fell like ....and what it means to fight with people of power ... We talked about the power of everyone sharing their stories ... If we all call someone out - our collective voice is actually heard ... We talked about how silence can hurt us ... And the truth can set us free ...

10/20/17 - FRIDAY - Home Maker

So, my job title is still Home Maker despite they year of my job changing and me learning new skills, studying and working hard ... I do a lot more then the original job description I started with... And while on Monday I am going to sit down with my boss and redesign my job description - I will still have the title Home Maker.... Which is strange as my job is becoming less Merry Maid and full of other administrative things ... And am far from Donna Reed....
... I have been stage mother, den mother, station mother for many a group & community and I have broken up bar fights, calmed crying people, and given guidance and even drunk, sad, injured, crazy myself - have often be the caring voice of reason ... I am trying to try to bring together the title Home Maker and the idea of being a community mom and my job description... So come Monday we will see...

10/21/17 - SATURDAY -Rest in Power

I went to am memorial for a woman, who annoyed me most of the time - she was very pushy with me and never listened to me when I tried to help her... She was a bit abrasive .... But while listening people talk about her - I suddenly wish I knew her better ... Or at least knew her as the person other people knew her as .... She seemed so kick ass the way people talked about her..

10/22/17 - SUNDAY - Men are weird

I had a talk with a friend that showed me how differently men and woman communicate and perceive life and love and stuff...

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, October 15th, 2017
5:57 pm
PTS
New Start for the better

10/10/17 - TUESDAY - I made my cat a pumpkin

Heard about my book hoarders anal warts, dropped food to Mr. Fur, and went to office to do data entry and hear about new forms and old issues... Carved and draw on pumpkins with Miss Fat-kini, who is all in love with man who will wear her jewelry ...

10/11/17 - WEDNESDAY - Moods

May have some help for a client with dementia or another problem for me
Talked with co - worker about sad donkey men...
Trying to deal with how to create a memoir with scattered - fuzzy - big holed memories... If fictional - non linear is the way to goo

10/12/17 - THURSDAY - PSD work we do today

When I was little my father was not a good man & manic/ depressive - suicidal and very abusive to my mother ... I could hear her scream when he hurt her and he would tell me he would want to hurt himself or others (my mom) because I was a bad child & I upset him. ...
... This had two effects on me and my life still today:

- One is memory loss from childhood caused I blocked a lot of stuff out...
And short term memory issues possibly from when I would hit my head against the wall to block out the noise and cause of cartoons making me believe I would pass out and then there be a different story line...


Another is PSD - when someone is upset with me - I desperate try to make things better which has sometime leads me to being walked over or just give too much... or to be so scared that I have trouble giving an enough space & time to a problem - it often needs to solve it...
.... The later is what I am having issues with this week...

While I know is my adult mine that situation are different then my childhood experience with my father... Emotional things make fall back into the child like state and I panic...

10/13/17 - FRIDAY - Stand strong - kicked PTS ass and felt good

10/14/17 - SATURDAY - Read a book or go to literary events

10/15/17 - Sunday PSTS look int0 oye

Current Mood: up & down
Tuesday, October 10th, 2017
9:39 pm
One liners
10/2/17 - MONDAY - Is it pick on Melinda day

My boss was a pain today ... Bringing me possible troubled employees for me to mother or him to father ... Giving me more work and grief... And a possible more work and grief promotion...
... And men ... Argh ... Yell at me so I can yell back the stupid stuff I feel...

10/3/17 - TUESDAY - I need to be nice without being a doormat

I made one little step maybe two to being stronger...

10/4/17 - WEDNESDAY _10/5/17 to be a doormat or not

Some good and some bad ... I really didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings ..

10/5/17 - THURSDAY - Really you are made because I love you...

Just weird... Thank goddess I had drinks with co-worker...

10/6/17 - FRIDAY - How to handle a drunk man wanting to have a bromantic with a motorcycle club...
... And talking the burlesque dancer about boundaries...

10/7/17 - SATURDAY - Dancing to 'I will survive' with long term survivors

10/8/17 - Sunday - Writing ourselves Whole and "IT"

10/9/17 - MONDAY - Did more Halloween and fixed an problem (I think with a strange conversation) in the strangest way

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, October 1st, 2017
7:41 pm
Ouch
Things I need:

9/18/17 - MONDAY - I need whimsy

I was playing Urban Golf - whacky mini golf with my lodge brothers & sisters and I couldn't get into it completely .... I need to work on re-calming my playful whimsy side

9/19/17 - TUESDAY - I need to not let the liars & haters

I need not poke at liars & haters cause they will lie and hate... I spent to much of my day trying to make things right with Mt. knocking .and making him stop lying about and hating on my friend... And ended up with him lying to me and hating on me...
I should just put my energy helping my client like the one who has fallen back to his eating disorder due to stress...

9/20/17 - WEDNESDAY - stay focused and present

It was a whirl wind of a day with a lot of movement and lot of info from clients ... It made me think how important it is to stay focus and present...and to keep a safe space for my clients

9/21/17 - THURSDAY - Be a better leader

My employee didn't show up for work... I sucked at leading in CPR training... I need to work on being a better leader ... I need find the balance between being kind and supportive and cracking the whip and making people behave ... I need guidance...

9/22/17 - FRIDAY - I need to believe in romance and believe I deserve it

Helped one client and heard relationship drama of another client ..then heard about G's new love interest... She gave a reading that made no sense to what I really wanted to know and couldn't lead her to telling me about the actual question...

9/23/17 - SATURDAY - I need to be calm in the face of stupidity

I watched PJ talk to a manic person and I freaked cause I could not him to notice me enough to calm him down... He explained later if you are right you can stay calm and let the other person get overly excited...

9/24/17 - SUNDAY - community is king and communication is therapy

Worked at Folsom Street Fair and had a radio show kinky as therapy

9/25/17 - MONDAY - Social Anxiety

Dealt with a shut in client, ran into a friend on the street and talked about social anxiety and service dogs, and talked with boss about social anxiety if co-worker and how it effects her work...

9/26/17 - TUEDAY - and the word is no

Tried to teach my client the word no in dealing with his neighbor and may have to extend that to his homeless friend, who he almost did bank stuff with... Delivered some food and did some data entry...

9/27/17 - WEDNESDAY - I love the smell of cleaning fluid in the morning - it smells like victory

I cleaned like a mad woman for a dementia client and tried to keep him grounded and his people grounded... Did some data entry...
... Got some personal stuff done ... Including maybe coming up with a life plan idea...
... Did ERC and understand why my story was rejected..
... The two recent rejections I got recently - with at least somewhat sweet and encouraging ...

9/28/17 - THURSDAY - Wait you have a date now

My morning client had a date scheduled for while I was there... He showed disrespect for men and lack of understanding what it takes for a real relationship.
-- Office for a bit then ... Went to see other client and chated about cats and past choices - good or bad
.... Chatted with friends on phone ... Talked about unrealistic expectations and realestate

9/29/19 - FRIDAY - Should I do a one woman show & or talk to people about another job

9/30/17 -SATURDAY - Should I smoke weed & should I talk Community Health work cert classes

10/1/17 - SUNDAY - Should I get my sore wrist looked at & tell man to respect me more

Current Mood: calm
Monday, September 18th, 2017
10:39 pm
Dog and wolves
9/11/17 - MONDAY - So confused

Went to see morning client and get some stuff then after a long bus ride....
... Went to a Workshop on Sex Worker - that had it's up and downs.... But it was nice to see the St James people... And had drinks and talk about sex work and drinks with co- workers... May still be a bit tipsy...

9/12/17 - TUESDAY - a calmer day

Saw morning client who was mostly sleepy, did food runs, and some office work... And stopped by Molotov's... Watching good dark comedy

9/13/17 - WEDNESDAY - In crazy town

Kept my dementia client calm and his house clean ... I feel like I case manage some clients... Didn't like the 'friends' that came by him...
Did some data entry - had to casually reengage with home care agency
Chatted with biker lover about misbehaving people & MUNI

9/14/17 - THURSDAY - OddFellows

I ran around with one client and heard about his sex life and then talked to one about fears, anger, abuse, and reengaging with people
...Chatted with favorite ex and petted cat... Then went to Oddfellows meeting and exchanged stuff and chatted about annoying people and good community

9/15/17 - FRIDAY - Okay day

More scare me stories from a client
Did some data entry
Had good hospital run with client and holistic nurse
Did a dinner and art show with friends... Chat about movies, hipisters, nude art, ...saw some people I knew
Home to slightly sick cat

9/16/- 17/17 - SATURDAY & SUNDAY

Saturday hung with the BDSM and show all the things they have created - community, shows, tax service, coffee shop, own AirB&B, wonderful people
.... Then say the glitter and glam and love of the burlesque community in a sea of drunk mugwamps and some punk rock heroes...

Sunday radio with great gay poet talking about perception, relativity, and metaphors ....
... Then hung with the wonderful biker community - full of hugs, loyalty, love, and stories

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, September 10th, 2017
10:35 pm
Tispy words
9/1/17 - FRIDAY - tipsy plumbing

Brushed toe...Client visits ... Nice talk with door staff... Tried to calm nervous client... Did a bunch of data entry... Got sink fixed by tipsy neighbor ....washed cloths... Got to talk to friend I thought I lost...

9/2/17 - SATURDAY - Poetry & punk rock

I chatted with mom ... Niece getting a divorced ... Shopped and cleaned closet, and watched shark movie... Went to see poetry & punk rock at Bender's... Spread positive and heard some negative... Mostly stuff about a person negative and bed bug lie hurting another....

9/3/17 - SUNDAY - shots in sipie cup

Did a great burlesque radio show - fun- funny - got to know people better ... Had whisky from sipie cup...
... Had a great early dinner with co-workers and others ... Good to break beard with people....
.... sweating

9/4/17- MONDAY - Don't let me get kicked out anywhere

-- Dance class with what seemed like gay Marine commander dance instructor
---Did vent brunch with JM in which we made friends with the kid next to us and may of taught from our conversation like all the curse words, vagina, and beat the crap out of (which is phrase not a word)
--- Had a chat sex life chat is Pet's with BBW friend and thrifted ... Fun and detailed kinky stories
--- Visit from biker lover and chatted about spells, silly people, and woman...

9/5/17 - TUESDAY - killer clowns - yea!

Tried to fix a problem but getting others involved ... Hoping that happens
Took care of some stuff for a client & his puppy, got food for people, did office work... Did a couple of personal things... Watched AHS about Trump ... Too true on the fear...

9/6/17 - WEDNESDAY - it may work

I helped a client clean and work through his sex life and then made a schedule .... Had silly text tiff with biker lover - small thing that will pass ... Had people changing for BAGG - interesting people ... Cat got nails clipped ...and cast a spell...

9/7/17 - THURSDAY - PC Drag Kings

Morning client seemed very stressed, client snapped about not liking home care staff and them not jumping to meet his needs, afternoon clients bad friend is back... Drag Queen had chaos - bitchy people start,, but then was community and fun, and had PC ending..

9/8/17 - FRIDAY - on bus alt- sex ed

Morning client let us know that agency CAN that we can't use anymore thinks he works for us ... Data entry ... Dinner with poet to talk about her man issues

9/9/17 - SATURDAY - Walking and supporting charities

- Exercise, talked to mom, had good breakfast
- Went to DuBoce Park flea sale - support park: got cool earrings, Pink Panther socks, rubber ducks (to give as gift), wooden spoon
- Visited with Skull dude and heard stories
- Went to Zeitgeist craft fair supporting LGBTIQQA: Got cool necklace from station sister, Ant pussy Pins (for gifts), and great pop art painting
- WWD - gave Charlie pin and great readers, JB shaved beard

9/10/17 - SUNDAY - words

I had a radio with a great Sister and chatted up a storm on all sort of issues ... Said some stuff maybe I should not have..
... Went to spoken word event
...chatted with biker lover about stuff

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, August 31st, 2017
9:05 pm
Play with yourself
8/21/17 - MONDAY - Will solar eclipse wackiness..

I took care house work... And had a sweet but wacky handyman come over to fix my kitchen sink while reciting lyrics from his thought provoking heavy metal songs ... Then he came back to fix the dishwasher cause he had a senior moment and didn't tighten something and nearly shocked himself trying to fix extra stuff.. But he gave me a great deal and is very nice...
I went to a job interview and 10 minutes away from the place my work phone blow up with the news that I am not laid -off and the agency is not closing... Strangely they still want to have me work with them ..
... So needles to say it was whacky doing data entry at work with the new news... Now what?

8/22/17 - TUESDAY - boundaries and being a bitch

Today I look at boundaries visa being a bitch.... I had a chat with my morning client about setting up boundaries with his family ... Then did some food run and office ... While thinking about what I want to do now...

8/23/17 - WEDNESDAY - whacky

Happy clients -happy I'm staying, manic - nervous client - sweating & drinking, de-stressing co-worker ... Stressful and emotional rollercoaster of 3 weeks, crying friend with bad news about friend, pissed off FFR people, turtle head pock out of MIA friend...

8/24/17- THURSDAY - Company

I did an staff meeting and got snapped at ... Got key to friend SF, and chatted with ex bank robber... Then home to do dinner and drinks with friend...

8/25/17 - FRIDAY - got cat pin

A client backed up what I already knew and afternoon proved that men are stupid... Got drink a Bender and meant nice old woman and was happy to see crazy artist took my production advice ....

8/26/17 - SATURDAY - Try new things

Went thrift shopping to get some different pants then I would normally wear in an attempt to try something new...

8/27/17 - SUNDAY - life planning and BlueGrass

I had a radio show with bluegrass and talk of protest, parades, and parties
Boozy drinks and tarot card readings and life planning...

8/28/17 - MONDAY - RESPECT

Trying to get past the hurt of the disrespect of not being communicated with properly ... From dad, to awful exs, to work, to an new man I expected better of...

8/29/17 - TUESDAY - Drinking with Satan

I did office work and ran food to folks ... Then ended up drinking with the girls and some boys at Molotov's and just joking around ... The girls rock

8/30/17 - WEDNESDAY - Masturbating man

I tried to get stuff while seeing a client and doing office work...

One of my neighbor says he will help me fix some stuff in my place for free ...if I can get an old man in the SRO next to us to stop masturbating in the window while wearing woman's stockings.... okay ... an new & nteresting barter deal ... I will try

8/31/17 - THURSDAY - wackiness

Started to day- asking whose masturbating I the window, talking one client about not getting a online date when out of town with a lover, advicing another not to make home- made opium, and ended the day drinking with coworkers about has we may need security to see some clients ...

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, August 20th, 2017
8:44 pm
Tell me something
8/14/17 - MONDAY - Trying be calm

Helped my drama queen client who told me how dramatically he fought with an ex fuck buddy... Then to the office to do data entry and hear more whacky stuff...

8/15/17 - TUESDAY - Bat shit continues

So, morning with more fucked up and strange news from office... Then an obviously so not worried about being fired (and right) mistake I needed to fix... Stressed added .... And a fear of moving on (1st job interview on Monday)... And more whacky chat on ride home.. It really smells in Denmark..

8/16/17 - WEDNESDAY - Don't make me cry

My morning client and his people almost made me going on about how much they will miss me... And I will miss them.. My client even made me lunch...
...then office with sad-mad co-worker... And more wackier news...

8/17/17 - THURSDAY - I feel a bit more calmer

Had a bit more calming meeting at work... So a bit calmer which is good since the stress levels were getting high.... People were freaking out..

8/18/17 - FRIDAY - Ingrid Goes West

I got some more pushy positive encouragement about making a homecare program.
More plotting against evil...
Then saw 'Ingrid Goes West' and had a chat about real world friends and life and a social media image ....

8/19/17 - SATURDAY - I need more glittery objects

Dance, FFR meeting - good & whacky news... Dinner with poet and her writer friend and worried about the world and hate, went to see Project Runway and saw may nice and positive people...

8/20/17 - SUNDAY - B-que in the sun

I went to the 415 b-que and listened to some great and crazy people in the sun with burger and beer and tried to help a man just out of prison with his life. Then had a slight break down himself ... Trying to separate a normal personal thing with the fucked up work situation... Because the both have a bases in lack of communication and no control of the situation,,,,

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, August 13th, 2017
7:05 pm
stay calm
8/6/17 - SUNDAY - Sharknado

Tried to re -ground - rant on radio show, thrift with friend, Sharknado, and spell...

8/7/17 - MONDAY - It will be a whacky ride

I spent the day in the office doing data entry
- heard hopeful and confusing stuff about client transition and unsure of what I think stuff about job potential
- Got more and more work to do
- Not sure home care attendant will make it to end..
- worried deeply about a friend - sense something is terribly wrong with them ..
I cast spells

8/8/17 - TUESDAY - WTF

I can't believe all the little mistakes I made and others made and how they could hold up the care of sick people... The government is unforgiving nit picky bastards...
... And sink is leaking..

8/9/17 - WEDNESDAY - Like a Vacuum

I feel like my mornings client vacuum cleaner ... Motor burning out from cleaning up too much powder used to cover up bad smells ....
... What a hot mess...
... I think I may of landed a job interview ... With the weirdness of job situation not sure if this is bad or good...

8/10/17 - THURSDAY - CrazyWise

I went to see a crazy client and then did tons of data entry ... And saw great documentary on mental health and how we treat people with a one plan fits all healthcare plan...instead of truly listen to them and giving them individual wellness...

8/11/17 - FRIDAY - To step up or not to step up...

Three weeks left of work and so much to think about and do around work and life... My client want me to step up and fix stuff...

8/12/17 - SATURDAY - I caught up on the sun

I talked a bit with mom and danced and told dance class my woes and dyed hair..
Went to People's Picnic with Sister of PI and Bay Rider's party ... Got food, sun, and community...
Worked door at Writer's with Drinks ... Last two writers - the transgender - ex sex worker and dragon point of view story - spoke to me and people I know...

8/13/17 - SUNDAY - trying to keep grounded

Did radio show, got garbage disposal. Trying to focus...
.. Sad talk with client who just found out...

Current Mood: calm ish
Saturday, August 5th, 2017
7:59 pm
Jobless soon
July 24 - MONDAY - I hate feeling awful and lying

I not happy with what is happening at work and feel bad I can't give my clients a heads up...
...Did see on MUNI how chatting with crazy people like they are sane people can calm them down.

July 25 - TUESDAY - Filling your own space

One my client's boyfriend left him... And I noticed with his boyfriend's stuff .... There was a lot of his personality in the space...We talked about him working on that...
... Did a lot of office work which BF of sorts said I work too much for free.

July 26 - WEDNESDAY - Crazy Day...

Wackiness with morning client and contractors and amount of help he needs..
Wackiness with client calling about missing quarters...
Data entry... And wackiness only small in office ... Today
... Surprise drink with sexy Satanist & burlesque queen...

July 27 - THURSDAY - Street Sheet

Another whacky home care day with Legs... Some office time then time with my favorite cousin and aunt ... Who it was great to see ... Who were fascinated by unisex bathrooms... And bought Street Sheet and talked the woman selling... Their compassion was high - love that...

July 28 - FRIDAY - Trauma Loop

I went to take of Mr. Fur and his ball of fur ... Wandered lost around TL .... Was lost it the office ... Did dinner and movie with educated poet... We shared writing and talked about trauma loops... and people's shit that gets in the way...

July 29 - SATURDAY - OPEN UP and LET GO

Finally told mom about work issues.. She was calm and helpful ... I have been so scared to talk about it... To admit and think about it... Did some zone out time...
... Punk Rock will never die but punk rockers do and they have memorials at Lennox Studio with pot luck, community, bands, & puppies...
...PPO may be going away but erotica and kinky love never dies...
... Had a freak out ... Trying hard to keep it together ...

July 30 - SUNDAY - HOT, COLD, & WARM

I went to Dore Alley Street Fair to volunteer and hang out a bit... And tried to contact and touch base with as many people as possible to keep mind off work stuff ... But had moment of panic and freezing up on stuff..
--- Hot - a bit of panic and anger about work stuff and stupid stuff
--- cold some fear and depression
--- Warm a wonderful sense of community at the street fair and with some friends and family

July 31 - MONDAY_ Still worried and confused...

That is all...

August 1 & 2 - TUESDAY & WEDNDESDAY - the end of one chapter ...

I'm sad and stressed, depressed, scared, deeply concerned about my clients... But also sort of excited about starting something new and have a small break from work... Not too long... I need to work and make money...

August 3 - THURSDAY - Drunken ideas

The next month will be a ride of confusion and I still worry about my clients ... But drunken ideas with my nephew and his girlfriend maybe good...

August 4- FRIDAY - I could kill someone

More breaking bad news, dinner with Gisella, whacky work email - a bit shady
.... Listened to great MurderGrass...

August 5 - SATURDAY - Trying to pull it together

Danced, lunch with JM, thrifted, housework & laundry, chatted with mom & Rain, and watched shark movie...

Current Mood: scared
Sunday, July 23rd, 2017
8:04 pm
Restless stress
7/17/17 - MONDAY - I maybe sick

Saw a client, did office work, and chatted with biker lover... And admitted I may be sick.... Which is so hard for me to do... I hate being sick...
But the nurse at my work listen to my lungs and gave me some herbs to drink...


7/18/17 - TUESDAY - bitch spirit

I helped my book hoarder, delivered food & Ensure to a few people... Did some office work.... Chat with a friend about mean poet girl drama... It is better to have a bitch spirit then a bitch heart.... My friends have bitch spirits but good hearts...

7/19/17 - WEDNESDAY - Health Care is kitten

I went to help with my dementia client and his people - I like being part of people's lives and help them...helping sometime is just being kind and supportive....
Went to office and chatted with folks...
Felt sick with annoying cough and annoying attempts to change healthcare...

9/20/17 - THUESDAY - Don't make worry

My morning client was having level 8 back pain and decide we should move stuff... My afternoon client got his apartment manager did an amazing job getting his tub he couldn't use do to his hip - to a shower he can bath in - yet still has paranoid delusions that the apartment manager is trying to get him to move with strange annoying things - like weird sounds to keep him awake at night...
... Worried about not calling me back friends - biker busy with school and club - got back to me.... And other friend - let me know phone hacked...
... Nurse needs help saving alt church and Rain coming to clip cat toenails...

9/21/17 - FRIDAY - I like chat with my massage

I went get a massage today from the SF School of Massage, which good especially for a $35 massage ... I actually got spoiled at Osento and with Michael Solider ... Getting relaxing sauna and massage with great conversation and stories... I like hearing people's stories it makes me happy and relaxed...
... I watched a wonderful move on Quantum Energy Theory

9/22/17 - SATURDAY - I feel empowered and drunk

I did some thrift store shopping and got new vacuum and walked 7 blocks carrying it, put it together right, and got ready of the olds one...
Went to Carol Queens b-day party and had a walk down memory lane during the show...like that time at Dada Fest when I was doing sound and I heard a weird buzzing in the headphone. I took off the headphones and found out the fire alarm was going off. One of the act shot blanks toward the ceiling. The fire alarm was going off and non one was leaving...

9/23/17 - Sunday - Did a radio show with a great band and trained an 10 year old and tried to reign in the restless stress....

Current Mood: stressed
Sunday, July 16th, 2017
8:13 pm
Two weeks
7/3/17 - Monday - boozes

Saw my book hoarder ... Went to the office to do data entry and then drank with co-workers and talked about drugs fades, talked to biker lover and then went to Bender's for quick drink...

7/4/17 - Tuesday - Happy 4th

I slept in late, long cleansing bath, lunch at my nephew's restaurant -it was yummy & nice people -his girlfriend is sweet - good conversation... Texted &FB people & chatted with biker lover...
... Fire worker are annoying... From 6- 12AM

7/5/17 - Wednesday - No Overtime

Saw my dementia client, did a lot of office work, and chatted with my sweetie

7/6/17 - Thursday - imaginary options

Talked with morning client about his sex life & AirB&B and afternoon client about his criminal past and meeting people... Talked to a client about imaginary options and fear of the government...
...Chatted with sweetie cat and heard more SOA types stories,,,,,

7/7/17 - Friday - WTF drama queen

Got Mr. Fur feed and bathed... Got food to a couple of clients, did some office work, and heard some disturbing news about the possible closure of my job or my boss is being a drama queen.
Did dinner with Poet and people and talked about how bad relationships can cause you to be scared & confused in better relationships ... Chatted with sweetie about stupid people ... And walked cat...

7/8/17 - Saturday - What I learned

Exercise, mom talk, FFR meeting and hang out, home stuff, dinner with favorite ex, WWD door with JB and stop by of friends:
Tonight I learned:
All white people look alike
The Norwegian gods say "Bros before dough"
A hero's death is to be set on fire on a pile of served heads
The Gettysburg address "4 Score & 7 years ago.. Good fucking luck..."
Hippos are violent - aggressive bitches and will fuck you up

7/9/17 - Sunday - my throat itches

Wake-up from work stress dream, had great radio with radio and chat - about a lot of stuff .... Washed cloths and chat with old man about stressful people...

7/10/17 - Monday - everyone needs a case manager

I had a stressful, sad, & whacky staff meeting still trying to process what it really means...
Did 6 people's UOS and did 2 people's timesheets, & signed up for City College
Heard that are fighting info in staff meeting and question on who should get info when..
Went to Rite Spot to see friend and chatted with a woman having life issues...And I found out Octopuses are kleptomaniac ....

7/11/17 - Tuesday - eye of the mouse

I saw my Walk and Breakfast client and got food for two clients and did some office work.... Still confused on what is happening there

7/12/17 - Wednesday - sicko

I took today off to be sick... Cause I woke up at 3 AM coughing, runny nose, and crying... My cat didn't want me to pet her cause she didn't want to caught my cold... I did do office work, and some personal stuff... I watching a sitcom about stupid socialites and trends

7/13/17 - Thursday - Allergy or Haunter Virus

I cleaned for my dementia client and got food for my ex bank robber who has accomplished two good things... Visited with my OddFellow Family and Jm of FCCFree Radio ... Got advice, love, and was told I may just have allergies ...

7/14/17 - Friday - What I miss

- If my job shuts down - I will miss my co-workers, most of my clients, and the Front Line Workers group...
-It is hard to lie to people or hid the truth from them..
- Nice to see Cherry ... Family and me and Burners are weird...

7/15/17 - Saturday - so you are fighting

Exercised, chatted with mom, chatted with BF of sorts, went to park with friends - it weird when people let you into their fights... But it mellowed out.. And got a job option....

7/16/17 - Sunday - 81 warm and fuzzy

Chat with BF times two...weird guy on BART with knife... Nice radio show... Warm and fuzzy 81 party...great band, food, and people, and raffle...

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
7:00 pm
Crazy stuff
6/26/17 - MONDAY - Miss Whore Magazine

--I got paperwork from folks and about their health care whoas...
--Did work with a client who has early (17) arrested development which is why he has trouble with life skills... And wants people to do stuff from him...
-- Did office work for the audit
--- Did some calming calls and heard a friend playing some music ... And saw Miss Whore Magazine...

6/27/17 -TUESDAY - food run

I went to see my breakfast and walk client and talked about teenagers...
Did a bunch of food deliveries and documents collection... Saw wackiness
Did a bunch of office work and tried to calm down friends- sick of liars and users...

6/28/17 - WEDNEDAY - Baby is just lost

Had a successful audit and then had a chat with a lost baby... So sad I don't see a good path...

6/29/17 - Thursday - boundaries and self care

Had staff meeting and saw my "I want my Brad Pitt " client who he hooked up with again...
... Ran into a godless pervert - Resistance friend on bus and chatted about self care, which isn't for the selfish
.... And chatted with biker lover and boundaries...

6/30/17 - Friday -Politica argh

Sick... Sick of politics and people's whacky believes... The only interested in people's whacky lives... The only reality & truth are things that are actually happen to real people and their stories are happening in front of us... Not words on a bill, paper, news stories, and people's options and believes ... Those are just empty words to me...
... Worked, did dinner with people, and saw burlesque show...

July 1 - We all are a little mad

Exercise, talk to mom, shop, go to Bay Riders Event .... Heard some stories about craziness and samples of crazy talk that worried me...

July 2 - Sin

Did radio show on sin ... Another DJ seems to be having a lot of my guest on his show - I hope they are treating them well... talk to stressed aunt

Current Mood: calm
Monday, June 26th, 2017
12:00 am
Karma you say
6/19/17 - Monday - hell a gay

I saw my realistic - political client and then hell a gay (very - animated - flamboyant) client stopped by... And had chat with old man...

6/20/17 - Tuesday - regular day

I saw my book hoarder, delivered food to my ex shop keeper, did some data entry, told my boss to find the name of attendant he was going to interview... Walked half way home and bused half .... Visited bar and petted cats ...

6/21/17 - Wednesday - issues day

Scheduling confusion, prepping for audit, dealing with co-worker amazing whacky family, tarot card advise to her friend on a real-estate deal, more on Sunday's girl drama plus more on top of a tooth infection, and then heard a bit of lovers past family drama ... But he was calm about it since he take I don't give a fuck pills...

6/22/17 - Thursday - back in the day before issue days...

Went to help my gay Don Quan client and chatted about back in the day when things were cheaper and more gay...
Got food for my ex bank robber and chatted about micro organs and gay sex habits...
- Got talked into taking over moming duties for a friend in need..
Helped set =up for tea party and visited with IOOF...
- Home trying to tell whoas to lover ... May stop doing that ... To be less whiny ...

6/23/17 - FRIDAY - IS this karma

Saw a client and did a lot of pre-audit and office work, then did dinner with a friend which brought up some gender, art, and relationship talk and the second a lot in the sleep over section, ... Also a Lyft ride... My me think of past coming back around and karma (ran into old attendant - glad to hear she changed careers)

6/24/17 - SATURDAY - I suck

I had my relationship chat with over night guest, exercised, chatted with my, banked, went to tea party to set-up and tea party, and cleaned ... Then chatted with biker lover, then worked a burlesque show - they were great I had tech issues...

6/25/17 - SUNDAY - SOA

I had a great radio show about cats, Muppets, Egyptian religion, spirituality... Then Lover came over for sex and a secret talk on issues, then saw N.O friend in a music show on 7 Deadly Sins

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, June 18th, 2017
7:39 pm
Melting
6/12/17 - Monday - Whoops

-Got on wrong bus - briefly
-Under cooked a bit soft boiled egg
-Didn't get my manic client able to complete a task
-At office didn't get the mechanic hired or helped get the invoicing fixed so we could get paid...
-Went to wrong documentary short screening and the last doc - the one I liked the most wasn't suppose to be shown so we only saw half...
- Had chat with biker lover and his chaos


6/13/17 - Tuesday - walked

I saw my breakfast and a walk client ... Delivered food to 4 clients .... Did two people's data entry... And am hoping I can be like the Incredible Hulk... And let annoying things make me massively smarter... So I can solve our billing issues...

6/14/17 - Wednesday - puppy dogs tails

Walked to client due to MUNI issues ... And practiced keeping calm with dementia while cleaning,,,
Office work then drinking with co - workers and puppy dogs and Molotov's regulars ... Then chatted with old man...
- Successes: Fiscal finally being able to pay right and cut mat off cat's tail

6/15/17 - Thursday - Queer Summer Camp

Saw my casual partner client ... Talk men, feeding people, arm pain...
Did Some office work and then off to camp
It was a beautiful Queer community (all ages, all genders, all sexual orientation, all types)... A lot of crafting ... Everyone had fun... And a little boy got all drag make-up-ed.....looked like a young David Bowe..

6/16/17 - Friday the dark side of queer

I saw my Mr. Fur client who had a mini seizure ... Then went to office to do data entry work then to grocery shop ... Dropped stuff off ran to Exist theater chatted with favorite ex and biker lover ... Hug out with MA and saw a play about crazy religious people and gay marriage... That went from silly comedy with Christmas Greek chorus ... To dark - horrifying - heart wrenching ... I so wanted a happy ending...

6/17/17 - Saturday - a bit of girl drama

I chatted with mom, exercised, went to thrift, ran errands, had lunch & nap, bought new underwear, had a couple of sweet woman over to clip cat nails and then went to dinner ... Somewhere a little landmine was hit and we had some miss communication and different believes... And people got upset... It should work it's self out...
.... Went to see Bite play and danced with nice drunk woman.... Some drunk people's energy was a bit off putting for me...

6/18/17 - Sunday - Dude your white

Did a great radio show with my friend of the Voodoo Cabaret who made friends with other DJ ... Who keep talking like he didn't know he was white...

Current Mood: calm & hot
Sunday, June 11th, 2017
7:14 pm
cuddling bitch
6/5/17 - Monday - tasty knee

Got some basic stuff done for clients - made hash browns, got someone's blood work done, did 4 times data entry, and went to lodge meeting where I wasn't yelled at and dog licked my knee, and chatted with biker lover about social politics

6/6/17 - Tuesday - stupid government

I got a birthday card from my morning client, delivered food to a client, and then got my data entry done, figured out the government is a bitch (in what info we need to have for them & how - which can't be done), and saw a bitch briefly

6/7/17 - Wednesday - bitch be gone

Argh... So some people are bitches and fuck ups and they are just going to be that way.... Do we have to waste so much time dealing with them... Can we not just let them disappear and move on with life...

6/8/17 - Thursday - bitch less

Work, meeting, chat with biker lover ....I need to learn to bit less cold to annoying people... Some people's energy are like nails on calk board

6/9/17 - Friday - with age come wisdom and simple joy

So getting older means -you don't need the wow and whoo-who... You need the comfortable joy..... Cake with co-workers ...Couple of drinks at Bender's and got to talk with staff and regulars... Then had sushi with cat ... And chatted with lover...

6/10/17 - Saturday - puppets

I chatted with mom, exercised, stuff around house, brunch with friend, who won't let it go, saw best puppet - musical - show about pulling the plug or not, and worked door at WWD great writers and only a couple of annoying people ... Hallway chat...

6/11/17 - Sunday - Cuddle

Had great radio show about cuddlist and then cuddled and all with biker lover... So like him... He is warped funny, likes my limited domestic skills, thinks I'm sexy, is honest & open, and doesn't mind me bleeding on him...

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, June 4th, 2017
10:18 pm
Free blackberry
5/30/17 - Tuesday

I had a a day around ethics and what that means:
- We talked about respect of the City and not littering with morning client
- Not being too nice or helpful with crazy people or to your own harm with Book Hoarder
- Ex shop keeper and I talked political dishonesty
- At work found our ex attendant didn't understand why it was unethical to quit a care taking job with no notice
- Talked with biker lover and honesty and respect and work ethics

5/31/17 - Wednesday

Worked hard - cleaning and office work and tried to fix issues and deal with issues of dysfunctional people....
Biker lover - had a very good day

6/1/17 - THURSDAY

Did the run around with and man chat with my crazy date... Then did some improve life counseling for a newly out of prison - homeless - drunk client of my afternoon client.... Then pulled a schedule out of my ass... And chatted with biker lover... Did hear a upsetting thing about remaining attendants ability to be completely honest ... But will deal with that when we aren't having a staffing crises ...

6/2/17 - Friday

Learned stuff about arrested development in adults, how people don't like unrequited advice even if it is right, and hung out with some nice co-workers and ex co-workers...

6/3/17 - Saturday

Exercised, cheered on Go- Cart riders, cuddled with biker lover, and figured out how to get cat to be happy and not from Hell....

6/4/17 -Sunday

Brain freeze and shopping and walking - free blackberries, and cooking, cleaning, and computer work...

Current Mood: calm
Monday, May 29th, 2017
5:23 pm
Seriously bitch!
Monday - 5/22/17

Office work and drinks with nephew and his new girlfriend... Three thought:
- I hate game players
- relationships need a ying and yang balance (I like his new girlfriend)
- Eat less fried food while drinking

Tuesday - 5/23/17

I remember going out of my way to get a job that my personal stuff and schooling wouldn't effect and visa versa ... Know people make the job just adjust to their life and school - and it is bullshit... I got to have an amazing & odd experience (doing phone sex & other whacky jobs) - meet great people, got wonderful stories (some which got published & one reviewed by the New York Times) from doing it the right way... People doing the wrong way got to be shitty ...

Wednesday - 5/24/17

I spent the day with my tried client and my manic client - different energies ... It is important to stay grounded and be yourself ...
My most recent troubled attendant ... Is working my last good nerve... I don't understand if she is playing me or if her life is really in this much chaos (which I feel for her)... But it either way it is causing too much problems getting the clients covered...
I had a good chat with biker lover ... He is a sweetie ... Need to be naked with him more...

Thursday - 5/25/17

I have stomach ache but will be okay; cleaned hard, had some good chats, and stayed out of trouble...

Friday - 5/26/16

I may not be prefect and may get emotional and stupid but I am willing to admit to my mistakes and stand up and try to change and do the right thing as much as possible... I'm sick of people who just get upset & stressed and cop out... Life is hard and you will never succeed ... If just leave every time someone hurts your feelings...

Saturday - 5/27/17

Getting some stuff done and being happy I have my crazy friends, who have improve fiddle & Ukulele jams with poetry in their living room..

Sunday - 5/28/17

I'm trying be more mellow and go with the flow... Had a good time at radio show and nice dinner with friends... Learning to be Zen & happy...

Monday - 5/29/17

I spent most of the day running some slight errands, cleaning and such around the house... And watching the sci-fi channel ...ALSO:
- Had my biker lover come over and cuddled naked with him some and talked
- Had a great conversation with neighbor about old Shanti client and homecare workers
- Got to chat with Trina Robbins who is so amazingly sweet/ cute - cool

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, May 21st, 2017
8:45 pm
What is weird
5/15/17 -Monday - bitch & switch

More staffing wackiness and drag queen clothing swap with out any shiny ... But did get rid of some stuff and got a couple of new things and hung our with Babe Camp friend and talked shit about straight men in a bar full of them... Then hung out with the gay and over the top outfits....

5/16/17 - Tuesday - chaos management

Did the breakfast and walk thing and did stuff, and heard about man issues, finished planet based, and chatted about lies...
If you try to not lie to me, treat me and the clients with respect, and get the job done ... Then I understand life chaos better and will adjusted better...

5/17/17 - Wednesday - special friend,,,

Was trying to figure out bigger picture goals ... And bond with neighbors that are good and understand people and people ... And try to keep at bay people trying to set up a con... Also, possible good news on my special friend's life...

5/18/17 - Thursday - my arms are sore

Hard cleaning with dementia man & family ... Then I hate me delusions with my ex bank robber, laundry, and me & Rain ( mostly Rain) clipping cat nails....

5/19/17 - Friday - Love sex workers

Office all day doing stuff... Then I went to SFSW opening party ... Worked door and told story... O thought I was funny but I was not... Carols laughed and those were the beautiful woman I want to be happy..

5/20/17 - Saturday - need to mellow

I feel a bit restless, unfocused, and distracted not sure why...
Exercised, talked to mom, went to FFR meeting, hung out with the guys, shopped, ate dinner with poet, and cleaned house (kit and make-up and jewelry a bit)

5/21/17 - What is weird

Drunk people in customs running?
Or really people if various types & ages boiling crawfish on the sidewalk and hanging out? Life is surreal if you live it right and now the right people.... Custom not required...

Current Mood: happy
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