I want to help promote Bitesize - cause Leslie in the group was a nursing student at a clinic a few years ago where I had a few bad girlie problems fixed. She was so nice. Nice people desearve good things. I was so happy to see that they were playing at Pride. I have mentioned them around some. They are playing also at my friend - Tina's space the - Femina Poten (Tina is one of my adopted 23 sister, which I seem to collect. Most likely cause of the rift with my actual adopted sister.) Also, Bitesize is playing at my show on the 13th and I'm going to push them more to Kitty for her shows.
I had a momment of sadness and fear this morning. I'm strangly getting attached to Turtle (Jessie)- 24 year old stoner boy - I was listening to him play music with this street guy (who may of been famous back in the day), take care of a messed up friend, and spend the weekend night with him - and fuck... now I know his last name and I was trying so hard to avoid attachment. I'm most likely going to help him get DJ gigs and band gigs - cause...we;;, I'm me and I never learn...
But I feel stronger and I'm going to let in anyone who is reading this into a dark secret. The one - that a year and a half ago got me dumped and freaked out on. Well, part of the secret. The thing that is giving me strength today.
When I was 8 or 9 - I helped my step mother take a loaded gun away from my father, who was in one of his manic-depressive, suicidal moods. I did a lot of talking my father out of sucide, cleaning up his mess, watching out for him (even during the "your out of the family" times when he wasn't talking to me) since age 6.
Today, I'm thinking "I lived through that. I helped calm him down. I helped others during it. I can handle anything. Despite it all I love my father- not the things he has done. So, much of the shit that gets to me now is such drama queen, bullshit - I can handle just about anything. I am not afraid," ("I'm not afraid" - I heard the best coming out story form Kirk's book on Pride Day.
I'm "a thousand thoughts at once" , "rollercoaster up and down", fine. I'm good but having a grounding problem this morning.
So, a few quick emails then I'm out the door to meddle and give my new lover a heart shaped box of condoms, shop, film a thing for a down and dirty documentary project , give and get a tarot card reading, and see the sun.
Kisses and best of the best to anyone out there.